#%@## Amazon

Okay, John.  Square breathing.  In-hold-out-hold.  Do it again.  Again.

Didn’t work.

Self, you promised you would not screed on your blog. (When used as a verb, screed  sounds a little like the inevitable effect of food poisoning, which seems appropriate, no?)

But Amazon is so #%@## annoying.

CreateSpace, Amazon’s print-book child, is going out of business.  I was directed to port Fatal Score from CreateSpace to Kindle Direct Publishing (KDP), where the e-book also resides. Earlier, when I ordered CreateSpace proofs, they came out looking like typical publishing house work product:  the word ‘proof’ on an inside page.

I completed the transfer to KDP and ordered several proof copies to give to a couple of writers who have said they will review for back cover quotes. The proofs arrived today with the annoying line ‘not for resale’ effacing my cover.

Memo to Amazon:  As much as your entrepreneurial imagining might conjure a book as similar to a single-serve packaged cupcake, it is not.  You sanctimoniously intone that the cover is perhaps the most important aspect of the book, presumably oblivious of the insult that delivers. Then you ruin the cover.  CreateSpace had the common sense to imitate a real publisher, but apparently you are much more concerned with establishing control of the distribution process than the success of the book.

No more proof copies from you.

There.  The spasm subsides.  Square breathing. In-Hold-Out-Hold.

Inside and Outside

In the month-plus since I’ve been able to post, I’ve been schooled in some obvious things about publishing.  The first of these is slap-your-forehead obvious:  the guts define the skin … i.e., the interior defines the size of the spine, and therefore the cover.

There are four expensive items in self-publishing:  Cover design, interior design, web design, and professional reviews. I decided to use a professional (vs. template) for my cover design. Interior design seemed expensive ($700 – 1,000) for what seemed like number-crunching, so I decided to do it myself.  There are more details to it than I thought, but it’s a valuable exercise, particularly if one is writing a series.  I mention this because I set my interior in Garamond 12-point and ordered up the cover from a great designer in Lagos, Nigeria.  I estimated 330 pages for the interior.  When the first proof copy of the whole book arrived, the Garamond looked a little light for easy reading, so I switched to Times New Roman 12-point.  Push of a button. No big deal, right?

Wrong. Big deal.  The interior contents ballooned from 340 pages to 382. The spine became thicker, which meant an adjustment, which meant back to the cover designer.  But wait … line spacing is a little too much. Trim that. Margins? Maybe a teech more gutter to make it read better. This is sounding like an eighth-grade algebra word problem.  Which it is. Which brings me to … the chat room.

Really?

I’m using two services for print publication:  CreateSpace (Amazon) and IngramSpark (bookstores, libraries). Faced with my 382-page dilemma, I needed to know whether my other adjustments had brought me back in line with the cover, which is to say, in line with the spine.  I opened chat with with one of them:

<Rogers> When I updated my interior matter, you warned me that my book is too big for its cover.  Can you tell me how to estimate spine sizes for a published book?

<Publisher> Hello, John.  My name is (redacted).  I hope you’re having a great day! I am anxious to be of service to you today. What is your question for us today?

<Rogers> See above.

<Pub> I see that you are asking how to calculate spine size for your book.

<Rogers> Yes

<Pub> Spine size varies from book to book.

<Rogers> Yes.  Can you help me calculate it?

<Pub> We cannot help with the calculation.  Have you read our FAQs?  They may offer assistance.

<Rogers> So, you do not know and you are not familiar with your own FAQs? Thank you.

<Pub> It has been our pleasure to serve you.

Onto the second publisher:

<Rogers>  Can you tell me how to estimate spine sizes for a published book?

<2Pub> I see that you are asking how to calculate spine size for your book.

<Rogers> (Inaudible sigh) Yes.

<2Pub> Actually, rather complicated.  Here is the formula:

       Spine (inches) = (Page size – margin four sides+gutter)*(pitch*(1*line space))*.002.
Do you need help calculating this?

<Rogers> Thank you for treating me like an adult. Also, thanks for the lesson in customer service. No, thanks.

Eighth-grade algebra.  Gotta love it.